A few weeks ago an email with various titles but the same content about the “Official Braai Contract” or “Braai Rules” was doing the rounds. It had the same general theme as a video that was recorded at my flat a few years ago by Neels van Jaarsveld and Francois van Coke. This email then also featured on SA Blog of the year, 2Oceansvibe, and a week later, the video also featured there.
On Thursday this week, the Portfolio Travel Blog published this article about Braai4Heritage, after an interview with me. What is more, the “Braai rules” mentioned above, were also posted in the Travel Blog last year. But that in itself is not so funny. What is really funny, is the response that one guy wrote to the Travel Blog regarding those rules, inserting his own comments into the original text. Here it is:
BRAAI RULES – THE REAL RULES
When a man volunteers to do the BRAAI the following chain of events are put into motion:
- The woman buys the food with the MAN’S money.
- The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables, and makes dessert – what the hell are vegetables and dessert doing at a braai?
- The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill – beer in hand. –Nonsense. It’s well known that the Braaimaster always prepares his own meat.
- The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman – Fires are dangerous and can hurt you.
- Here comes the important part: THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL and expertly monitors the transfer of energy from the combustive fuel to the meat.
- More routine…. The woman
goes inside to organize the plates and cutlerynags about the length of time it is taking to deliver perfection.
- The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great.. He thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat – another untruth. The Braai #2 gets the beer for the Braaimaster
- Important again: THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO
THE WOMAN. Braai #2
- More routine… The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table. – RUBBISH!
- After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes. – Finally, the woman justifies her existence!
- And most important of all: Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts. While there may be hundreds of little Indians dying on the battlefield, it can only be the CHIEF who gets the praise – it is the way it is.