An email with the topic “The Official Braai Contract” is currently doing the rounds. Essentially it points out the way a stereo typical braai would transpire in an ideal world. The tale in this email is based on a video that actor Neels van Jaarsveld (met Eish), Fokofpolisiekar lead Francois van Coke, and myself shot a few years ago at National Braai Headquarters (my flat). Here is that video, entitled, “No Women, No Braai”:

This is the contents of the email currently in circulation:

1. The woman buys the food.
2. The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables and makes desert.
3. The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill – beer in hand.
4. The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.
5. THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
6. The woman goes inside to organise the plates and cutlery.
7. The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. he thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat.
8. THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
9. The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
10. After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
11. Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
12. The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ‘ her night off ‘, and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no pleasing some women.