An email with the topic “The Official Braai Contract” is currently doing the rounds. Essentially it points out the way a stereo typical braai would transpire in an ideal world. The tale in this email is based on a video that actor Neels van Jaarsveld (met Eish), Fokofpolisiekar lead Francois van Coke, and myself shot a few years ago at National Braai Headquarters (my flat). Here is that video, entitled, “No Women, No Braai”:
This is the contents of the email currently in circulation:
- The woman buys the food.
- The woman makes the salad, prepares the vegetables and makes desert.
- The woman prepares the meat for cooking, places it on a tray along with the necessary cooking utensils and sauces, and takes it to the man who is lounging beside the grill – beer in hand.
- The woman remains outside the compulsory three meter exclusion zone where the exuberance of testosterone and other manly bonding activities can take place without the interference of the woman.
- THE MAN PLACES THE MEAT ON THE GRILL.
- The woman goes inside to organise the plates and cutlery.
- The woman comes out to tell the man that the meat is looking great. he thanks her and asks if she will bring another beer while he flips the meat.
- THE MAN TAKES THE MEAT OFF THE GRILL AND HANDS IT TO THE WOMAN.
- The woman prepares the plates, salad, bread, utensils, napkins, sauces, and brings them to the table.
- After eating, the woman clears the table and does the dishes.
- Everyone PRAISES the MAN and THANKS HIM for his cooking efforts.
- The man asks the woman how she enjoyed ‘ her night off ‘, and, upon seeing her annoyed reaction, concludes that there’s just no pleasing some women.